Anxiety Girl!

Things have calmed down a bit around here, finally. Matt had a heart scare a few weeks ago that, thankfully, only resulted in major dietary changes and the addition of exercise into his life. During that time, I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. Husband, kids, work, life… it just felt like too much. And then, before I knew it, I had to head to Washington DC for a lobby trip with Moms Clean Air Force.

I’ve been advocating with Moms for six years. When I started, Sylvia was an itty bitty baby, who would need to nurse or poop pretty much whenever I’d go up to speak. I once nursed in a back corner of the State House only to look up and realize I was directly under a security camera. That being said, I’ve learned to get over myself and power through whatever nerves I have.

This trip though… I couldn’t get it together and feel comfortable. Part of it may have been that Matt needed specific food, part of it being that the kids had plenty of activities. Either part is enough on its own, but together? I just couldn’t let go of the concern that something would go horribly wrong. So I obsessed and prepared and worried.

And even though I was a wreck, I realized once the whole trip was over, I’ve grown. Yes, I was nervous about my family. But when I considered where those nerves were coming from, I realized they were simply because a health concern sets me into a panic for control. I had none being a few states away. And when I was able to identify that, it was a matter of accepting that I wasn’t in control.

Isn’t that the worst? Having no control when you are the one used to having it all? Ick. Not my favorite. However, I’d like to mention that instead of crying and having stomach problems, I just did it. And when things were stressful during the trip, it didn’t phase me. Because there are only so many things I can control. It’s taken me many, many years to learn this, but once I did? Life changing!

I’m home now, and everyone is still alive 🙂 Matt’s mom answered my call for help and she kept everyone happy and healthy. The kids were delighted to have Mama back and the dogs even more so. Matt and I? We’re much better together.


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