Clearing the cobwebs

I felt stunned when I looked at the calendar this morning. How is it Thursday already?! Oh I know. I let myself get submerged in anxiety at the beginning of the week and just haven’t quite bounced back from it. The first time I had a panic attack that left me wiped for two days, I was 12. Since then, it’s just something I have to work really hard to protect myself (and by default my family) from. And by the nature of how things have been lately, I just let myself ¬†get swept away. I hate it when I feel like this: disconnected, exhausted and short. I’m thankful that my life and my mental health has changed enough that this is becoming a more and more rare experience. Growth. And Grace.

It’s been unseasonably “cold” these last few days as well, so it’s been a perfect time to test out some art projects, snuggle under the quilts (I’m still shocked that’s even a thought in JULY) and slow down. I’m preparing the next issue of our church’s devotional magazine and discovered a new tool last night while playing around with InDesign. I apologize in advance to those readers who notice a change in this issue with the styling. I’m an all or nothing sort of person.

On Tuesday, my friend Jen suggested taking Liam to the eye doctor for a checkup. He’s constantly falling over items, steps and the ground in general. And recently, his distance recognition of letters and numbers has been way off. Yesterday morning, I made a quick call to the eye doctor and got two, back-to-back appointments for the afternoon. Looking back on it now, I can see how God orchestrated all these little happenings to make this work: my friend was in the backyard and witnessed Liam tripping which led me to voice my frustration for him. I placed my call while Sylvi was eating breakfast and Liam was still in bed – the office had just opened and I got to pick from the whole day (I later overheard that they have NO appointments until the middle of August.) And the doctor was amazing with both kiddos. Such a pleasant appointment and they were equipped to handle even the eye glasses fitting for Liam before we left. And the best part is that he’ll have glasses and be adjusted to them before school begins!

This afternoon, I pulled out my precious dust buster and started cleaning out all the dead June Bugs in my window sills. So good for my soul. After 3 days of feeling like I have been cluttered and dusty in my mind, I told myself enough is enough and it was time to start the mental cleaning. It takes time, you know. And it takes a lot of effort to put the icky thoughts out. And to constantly remind yourself that our God is bigger than the worries and the anxieties that constantly attack our minds. But in the end, the work – the trust and faith – so worth it.

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